Written By: Ash Tolson
Ash is a member of JFS’ Alphabet Soup Kids (ASK) support and social group for local LGBTQ+ teens. Here he writes about the experience of marching at NYC Pride for the first time.
My name is Ash Tolson. I am a Transgender man and I am proud of that.
When I first came out as Transgender, I felt very alone. I didn’t know any other Trans kids, or even very many other LGBT+ individuals. Through the help of a friend and my therapist, I found Alphabet Soup Kids (ASK), the support group at Jewish Family Services.
I joined ASK during the last meeting before summer break in 2016, but that didn’t matter to them. They all accepted me as one of their own and I immediately felt at home.
We are a quite diverse group of individuals in the group, which is super awesome and proves to be helpful when someone needs advice. During meetings we discuss topics important to us and all have the opportunity to voice our opinions. Everyone in the group trusts each other and leans on the other members for support. ASK is an absolutely amazing group that has provided me with so many friends and an amazing support system.
Since I came out, I have dreamed of marching at Pride. The idea of being around so many like-minded people made me smile. I have been out and proud as Trans for over a year and a half. When I found out that ASK was bringing a group to march at NYC Pride in June, I jumped at the opportunity!
This year, 2 million people, including 45,000 marchers, met in New York City to celebrate their pride and support of the LGBT+ community.
This year I had the great honor of being one of the marchers in the parade.
I never imagined that I would ever be part of a Pride parade, let alone the one in New York.
The march was a big deal for my family. It was the first LGBT+ event that we would be attending together as a family. It seemed to be all we could talk about for two months. And with no surprise it exceeded all our expectations.
The struggles I’ve gone through up until this point in my life are nothing compared to the overwhelming amount of joy and pride I felt as I marched.
With every step I took, I felt like I was shedding my fear and shame and getting farther from the disapproving glares of the people who don’t support me. Most importantly, each step I took down that path took me one step farther in my transition. One step closer to the man I want to be.
I feel that it is very important for me to be loud and proud about who I am simply because I can be. I am very privileged in the sense that I have a family that accepts me while many others don’t. I want to be a role model for all of the LGBT+ members who don’t have someone to look up to, or can’t come out or be proud of who they are for whatever reason. It is vitally important that as a community we stand together in pride.
As for me, standing in pride means admitting that I am a Transgender Man and I am proud of that.
I am proud that more than 2 million people can come together to celebrate themselves and one another.
I am proud that I have come so far in my life.
I am proud to be a part of the LGBT+ community.
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Alphabet Soup Kids (ASK) is a support and social group for LGBTQ+ youth. Learn more >>>
By Meredith Stuart, Marketing & Development Specialist
Steadfast in our commitment to bringing families together, Jewish Family Services of Delaware has strengthened our partnership with the Open Arms Adoption Network, a program of JFCS of Greater Philadelphia, to counsel and support women who are facing an unplanned pregnancy and those hoping to build their families through adoption.
JFS is thrilled to welcome Kate Brown as Delaware’s new Open Arms Adoption Coordinator. Kate first joined JFS as an intern while she was pursuing her Masters of Social Work. An experienced doula and certified breastfeeding specialist, she brings a unique set of skills and an unwavering compassion to her work with expectant parents, birthmoms, and adoptive families.
For the birthmoms, Kate offers support and counseling throughout their pregnancy, during labor, and after delivery for months and years to come. For the adoptive families, she guides them through the adoption process and is often there when they meet their child for the first time.
“It’s an amazing experience when the adoptive parents meet their baby for the first time,” says Kate. Describing one such meeting between an adoptive mom and her baby, she recalled, “the moment she saw the baby, she just melted. She knew she was her daughter.”
In America, about 15,000 children are adopted domestically each year. And while JFS honors the need for some birthparents to keep their identities confidential, open adoptions that allow a degree of contact between birth and adoptive families are becoming more and more common.
“I fully understand that when someone is moving towards adoption to grow their family, they may have concerns about the role of the biological parent,” says Meredith Rose, Director of Open Arms Adoption Network.
“But in my experience, the women who are able to push through the pain and to stay connected to the child they love are the people you want in your life. They are the people who are of such great value to your child. They are the people who will validate your child’s position in your home with you as the parent.”
“The interests of birth parents and adoptive parents are not mutually exclusive,” says Kate. “When a birthmom feels supported, it helps her maintain her comfort and satisfaction with her decision. She’s more likely to want to meet the adoptive parents, and be more likely to want to be in the child’s life.”
“For a woman who is unexpectedly pregnant and is not ready to parent, making an adoption plan is brave and incredibly maternal, and if there is a partner involved, it’s incredibly paternal,” Kate explains. “It is saying that even though I want you to be with me, I’m going to do what’s best for you.”
At its core, adoption counseling is about building and strengthening families. Kate offers options counseling for women who are unsure of what to do. She refers out to parenting classes, if a client ultimately decides to raise their child. The goal, she says is for anyone who is considering an adoption plan to be able to make the decision that is right for them and their family.
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The Open Arms Adoption Network is a program of Jewish Family and Children’s Service of Greater Philadelphia and is licensed in Pennsylvania, Delaware, New York, and New Jersey. In partnership with Jewish Family Services of Delaware, it offers options counseling to women facing an unplanned pregnancy and services for those seeking to build their family through adoption.
When refugees arrive in Delaware, JFS helps them settle here and raise their families in freedom and safety. Our volunteers make sure that they feel welcomed. Our staff supports them during their first months in this country.
The future of resettlement seemed uncertain, yet you stood up and said “refugees are welcome here.” You said all families deserve the opportunity to live free from fear. And you said that you wanted to help.
When JFS launched the RISE with Refugees Campaign, nine Champions committed to share their support for refugees with their family and friends. Scores more community members from many faiths and backgrounds joined the campaign.
Because of you, refugee clients are learning English and improving their fluency. Children are enrolling in their new school. Adults are updating their resumes, preparing for interviews, and searching for their first job in America. The refugee families settling in Delaware are strong. With your support, they will have the opportunity to acquire the tools they need to succeed.
The National Volunteer Transportation Center (NVTC) recognized JFS’ Brandywine Village Network in their annual Star Awards. The award honors outstanding volunteer transportation programs around the country.
“This is a wonderful opportunity to celebrate our volunteer drivers,” says Karen Commeret, JFS’ Program Leader for Care Management Services. “They make a big difference in the lives of our older adult members.”
JFS’ Brandywine Village Network and its sister Sussex Village Network helps older adults age in place. With access to professional care management and volunteer assistance, members are able to age safely and with dignity in their own homes and communities.
Last year, volunteers drove members more than 12,000 miles. These rides ensured that older adults reached their doctors, beauty salons, grocery stores, and more.
“Many of our members no longer drive because they know it might not be safe for them to be behind the wheel,” says Karen Commeret, JFS’ Program Leader for Care Management Services. “Our volunteer drivers make it possible for them to still get where they need to go and continue independent living.”
“If we want to keep everyone safe, we have to step up and help,” says JFS board member and Village volunteer Emily Nisbet. “I’ve learned that there aren’t great transportation options around here. If you can’t drive and don’t have family in the area, it’s difficult to get anywhere.”
“That’s why JFS is so important,” Emily continues. “We make sure that people who don’t drive anymore can still get where they need to go.”
“It’s a quick and easy way to help out someone in your community,” Karen adds. “Some rides are as fast as 15 minutes – and we are always accepting new volunteer drivers.”
For members like Lillian, age 98, Brandywine Village Network brings peace of mind.
“I don’t want to be a burden to my kids,” she says. “They get home from work and they’re tired. So JFS’s Village Network is a godsend. Everyone is so kind and caring, and I don’t have to worry about how to get around.”
“When you get old, you have enough to worry about,” Lillian adds with a laugh.
Learn more about volunteer opportunities with JFS >>>
Sixteen teen boys from the local BBYO chapter of AZA descended on JFS earlier this month, rolling up their sleeves, ready to help. They sorted donations from a large food drive and restocked JFS’ Bag Hunger Food Pantry. While volunteering, these young men learned about their community and made a difference in the lives of JFS clients.
BBYO (B’nai B’rith Youth Organization) is a teen movement aspiring to involve more Jewish teens in more meaningful Jewish experiences. For these teens, doing good deeds is a way to experience their Judaism.
“They made quick work of a big project. And they got the pantry restocked and ready for JFS clients in need,” said Regina Kerr Alonzo, JFS Board President and proud BBYO mom. “I really appreciate their willingness to take time from their busy schedules to come and help us.”
The food pantry provides essential food items to JFS clients who are struggling. It also depends on volunteers to keep running. By volunteering, the BBYO members learned more about their community – and the organizations like JFS that keep families strong and healthy.
JFS’ Career Coach, Cyndi Germack, spoke last week at the Delaware Pathways Conference, which explores how Delaware’s workforce system can include pathways to success for students of different needs and aspirations.
Cyndi spoke as an expert panelist for a workshop titled “Shaping Students Outside of School.” Her co-presenters included George Krupanski from the Boys and Girls Club of Delaware, Peggy Geisler from the Sussex County Health Coalition, Paul Calistro from West End Neighborhood House, and Kathy Jennings from New Castle County Government.
JFS is proud to be a thought leader among providers of services for youth in Delaware.
Cyndi shared how JFS Delaware plays an integral role in helping our youth prepare for college and careers. In addition, Cyndi highlighted JFS’ unique approach to students who reside in high-risk neighborhoods, delivering intensive support in school and at home that ensures they transition from middle school to high school to college, and then work.
“We have trained trauma professionals working as youth advocates in the community,” Cyndi comments. “The basic emotional needs of these students, kids who have witnessed gun violence, must be met before they can become college and career focused. In addition to in-home and community support, we utilize the SPARC network, an online database designed for students to connect with employers and mentoring opportunities.”
The day after Fulton Bank’s Annual Employee Recognition Dinner, Kerry Meluskey paid a visit to JFS Delaware. She drove up with a full truckload of food items collected by the statewide team at Fulton Bank to donate to JFS Delaware’s Bag Hunger Food Pantry.
A V.P. at Fulton, Kerry organized and promoted the food drive during the annual dinner honoring bank employees’ work in Delaware – and designated JFS as the recipient of the generous food donation.
JFS provided a short list of our clients’ most wanted items and this group delivered! Thanks to the generosity of Fulton employees, our Bag Hunger Food Pantry is restocked with all the favorites: cereal, peanut butter, tuna fish, pasta, tomato sauce, macaroni and cheese, canned fruit, and rice.
Many of our clients are faced with daily difficult decisions of what household needs to buy or what bills to pay. To ease that burden, JFS’s Bag Hunger Food Pantry – located in each of our Wilmington, Newark, and Lewes offices – is open five days a week for our clients to pick up the food that they want to eat. The Pantry is stocked entirely by donations and food drives like this one. We are beyond grateful!
JFS will be opening a “Kosher Corner” in our food pantries in May 2017.
At the Passover Seder, we gather to tell the story of a People, afflicted with insecurity, wandering in search of safety.
The Jewish community knows what it means to be forced from our homes by violence or persecution. We know what it feels like to seek a place where we can raise our families in freedom and safety. We are a refugee people.
As we step into our own Jewish history, and retell the story of our people’s search for freedom, we cannot help but think of the 65 million displaced people and refugees in the world today. JFS’s Passover Haggadah Supplement reminds us that all those who seek refuge from war, violence, and persecution are a part of our story.
Download JFS’s 2017 Haggadah Supplement for your Passover Seder to connect our Jewish story with that of today’s refugees.
Instructions: Print out Haggadah Supplement double sided. Fold along the gray score lines so the narrow panels titled “Opening our Doors” and “Opening our Hearts” touch across the center.
Outside:
Inside:
Written by: Chantel Bratcher, LPCMH, Interim Clinical Director
And: Joanne Kassees, LPCMH, Child Therapist
As counselors at Jewish Family Services of Delaware (JFS), it is our role to care for members of our community during vulnerable times in their lives. In light of all that is happening in the Jewish Community in Delaware and around the country, we are sharing communication tips for parents about how to discuss these events with children and strategies for community members to practice self-care.
Starting a conversation with your children about acts of hate in the community lets them know that they can talk to you about these topics. Small children in particular might not understand how these events are affecting them. Remind them that they are loved and emphasize the importance of being kind to others. Sticking to a normal, structured routine with safety precautions always in mind will help children feel safer.
1. Be direct and open. Start the conversation by saying “I want to talk to you about something going on in our community.” Watching the news together with older children can be a good starting point as well.
2. Allow children the space to feel whatever they are feeling. Let them express their emotions and be there to listen and support them. Try to validate a child’s emotions rather than tell them how to feel. Instead of saying not to worry, say something like “I can understand why you might be feeling this way.”
3. Be your child’s source of information. Children learn things from the media and hear things from others, but it is best if they hear it from you. Keep information simple, accurate, and age appropriate.
4. Provide children with reassurance. Let them know that it is okay to feel anxious or scared, and that the community is doing everything in its power to keep them safe. Talk about the strategies that you both use to feel safe.
5. Remember that children are resilient. Keep things as normal as possible and model how to look at the world as a good place. When children have a good day, treat it as such, even if you are worried.
Situations like these are opportunities to foster empathy in children and teenagers. Talk to children about the importance of being kind and supportive of others. Hate happens when people are not kind to each other. Our community has received many messages of love, support, and solidarity from our neighbors. Take time to share those messages with your children. Remind them that they are loved, that they can talk about what is happening as a family and as a community.
Remember to address your own feelings first. As adults and as parents, it is normal to feel fearful, anxious, or uncertain in the wake of acts of hate in our communities. Give yourself time to process your emotions.
Next, take the time to identify strategies that help you feel safe. You might find that you want to get active and do something to help, or that attending community meetings helps you feel connected. Ask questions of leadership to avoid the spread of misinformation and to get a clear understanding of what has happened and what is being done. Connect with community groups and resources and notice if events are impacting your habits or day to day life.
Lastly, be mindful of yourself and your family. It is normal for adults and children to continue to feel anxious after these kinds of events. If you find that day to day functioning is being affected, or if you notice prolonged changes in habits (such as sleeping to much or too little or having trouble eating), you might want to reach out for someone to talk to or professional support.
If you need professional support for yourself or a loved one, request therapy with JFS by completing our online intake form.
When refugees seek a home in Delaware, JFS helps them settle here and raise their families in freedom and safety. But in today’s political climate, funding for these services is threatened.
“RISE with Refugees” is a campaign to raise $15,000 in emergency funds for our Refugee Integration Support Effort (RISE).
With your help, we will continue to assist newcomers to America and mobilize hundreds of volunteers to welcome them.
Together, we can support refugees.
1. DONATE – No amount is too small. Donate today!
2. SHARE – Help spread the message that “refugees are welcome here!” on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.
3. JOIN – Become a RISE Champion.